When I started this blog, I did it for myself. I wanted to try, every day, no matter how rough a day I was having, to find something to be thankful for. I felt like it would be a really positive thing in my life. And it has been. It helps me end every day with at least a small positive feeling. When I reflect at the end of the day (even if for only a few minutes), I make a note of everything that I could/should be thankful for. But when I think about what I'm actually going to post as my "thankful for" I don't always end up chosing to post the major things. I struggle with my memory these days. All of those concussions have definitely affected me in ways that probably only I notice. My memory actually sucks. When I started this, I was actually afraid that I wouldn't be able to come up with 365 different things to be thankful for. There are a lot of big things that, to me, are obvious: my family, my friends, a warm place to live, etc. I was writing about those sporadically. But when I thought of something smaller - good weather to run in, a glass of wine after a rough day, a good chapter in a good book to let my mind wander to - I felt the need to metion those things for fear of forgetting them and not having 365 things to write about. So I have been. But in doing that, I have unintentionally skipped over really really important things/people to be thankful for. Again, in my mind they are obvious - of course I'm thankful for them. But I also think that there is great value to actually verbalizing that and puting it in writing. Especially since these are my reflections and I will likely look back on this and remember this year more clearly than any other - this year has been documented more than any other for me in its own way.
I should have mentioned Nika a long time ago. A LONG time ago. Like 290-something thankful fors ago. She falls into that category to me of "of course I'm thankful for her. She knows that, I know that, everyone knows that. I don't have to write it yet because we all know that." But I can't assume that anyone excpet me knows that. And I'm not guaranteed another chance to say it. So ...
303: I'm thankful that I met Nika when we were young and that we were able to grow up together. The first time we really noticed each other was at Duniway when we wore the same outfit to school. We then "reconnected" at Holy Family walking down the hall as the "new kids at school" when we talked about wearing the same outfit back at Duniway. (I'm also thankful that I still have that memory.)
304: I'm thankful that Nika's parents let us continue to be friends. There were a lot of reasons NOT to let her hang out with me: we dyed our hair unnatural colors without asking them if they cared, we pierced our ears by ourselves multiple times, we snuck out of the house, and a lot lot more. But for some reason they did let her keep hanging out with me.
305: I'm thankful that we stayed close even when we were at different schools. She started high school a year before me, but we still hung out and remained close. I even did my high school visit with her and she pointed out a boy who she thought I would like in her art class ... it happened to be Kevin but I didn't give him much thought at the time because he was a big sophomore and I was only an eighth grader. HA!
306: I'm thankful that she was there when I had my first real break-up that hurt my heart.
307: I'm thankful that she was there when Kevin and I broke up. She wasn't physically there because she was already out of high school. But she was there that night on the phone with me and let me do my freak out thing. I'm not sure what I would have done if she wasn't "there".
308: I'm thankful that I had Nika as a big sister of sorts to talk to about boys and parents and friends and other high school stuff and that she was there through it all.
309: I'm thankful that even though we were again in different places when she finished high school, and this time in different states, that we never completely lost touch. We had our periods where contacts were further between, but they were still there. And we still knew we could count on each other.
310: I'm thankful that Nika was there and let me unload empty beer bottles out of the trunk of my car and into her recycling bin when a small get-together turned into a dancing-on-the-table, cars-on-the-lawn party.
311: I'm thankful that we can have fun together doing absolutely nothing. We would be perfectly happy watching a movie in sweats with some popcorn or just hanging out and talking.
312: I'm thankful that our parents didn't find out about everything that we did ... because they may NOT have let us keep hanging out.
313: I'm thankful that we made it through some stupid decisions and into our adult lives and that we were both there to witness it.
314: I'm thankful that I was able to share in one of the biggest days of her adult life. Her wedding was an amazing display of unconditional love and passion and to have not only been there to witness it but to actually be up there with them was an honor. I'm thankful that she chose me.
315: I'm thankful that she was part of one of the biggest days of my adult life. I couldn't have imagined getting married without her up there with me.
316: I'm thankful that, before either of us had kids, we took a girls-only trip to New York to get away. It was an amazing weekend that was full of exploring, shopping, experiencing the city, and just hanging out. I'm glad we were there together to handle the ridiculousness that was our hotel situation. A nice little snow storm hit on our last night and I'm glad it would have been her that I would have been stranded there with as I missed my exam that Monday. I'm glad that we had that weekend and the once-stressful memories to laugh at now.
317: I'm thankful that we were able to experience pregnancies together. Being pregnant, baby showers, having babies, and becoming mothers.
318: I'm thankful that we have experienced loss together. Of call kinds.
319: I'm thankful that we have had ups and downs in our friendship. They have made it stronger.
320: I'm thankful that we are honest with each other. We can talk about things when we have issues. I'm pretty sure that all of our issues have stemmed from one thing: assumptions. One of us will assume something about the other one and the other one will get offended in some way. But we always end up talking about it. Maybe not right away, but we always end up talking about it and clearing the water and being better than before.
321: I'm thankful that we can talk about anything. We talk about religion, politics (as much as either of us talk about politics), what comes after life. We talk about lifestyle choices, food, health, education. We talk about marriage, friendships, motherhood.
322: I'm thankful that we can talk about all of those things without judgement.
323: I'm thankful that I can go to Nika for advice. And, again, there is no judgement regardless of what I'm seeking advice on.
324: I'm thankful that she trusts me enough to ocassionally come to me for advice.
325: I'm thankful that she trusts me enough to come to me to simply vent ocassionally.
326: I'm thankful that Nika is forgiving. I've made some stupid mistakes, I've been immature, I've been selfish, I've been just plain lame.
327: I'm thankful that she found Luca - someone who does love her
unconditionally and who builds her up and challenges her and supports
her. They are truly a match made in heaven.
328: I'm thankful that I now have a new understanding (or attempted understanding) of what that means.
329: I'm thankful that we can pick up after not physically talking for a while and start right where we left off.
330: I'm thankful that we can have interrupted conversations that are full of distractions from our little humans that we've made and that's part of our life now.
331: I'm thankful that I have Nika in my life. She makes me a better friend and a better person.
332: I'm thankful that our friendship continues to change and grow and get stronger.
There are other people who I know I can't assume know that I am thankful for them. And they won't go without knowing that for sure...
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